If your partner has cheated on you then, at some point you’re going to end up tormenting yourself about them having sex with the other person. You can’t help it, it totally unhinges you as you suddenly doubt yourself and your relationship, the questions swirl around and around in your head…
Were they better than me? was it more exciting? more passionate? are they sexier? did they turn you on? did you do things with them that we didn’t do? … the list is endless.
The thing is, in most cases the cheating is not about sex, sure, some people could be in a sexless relationship, or what was once a passionate relationship and is going through a dry spell. The sex in an affair is an added bonus and can seem to be the driving force, however in most instances, the sexual attraction and chemistry start because something gets triggered in the person who cheats. In most cases, the cheater is woken up to their spirit and they feel alive again, turned on to life when for whatever reason they were previously feeling dead inside. Disconnected from themselves, their truth, their spirit and their source of love.
Deep fulfilling long-term relationships are founded on love and intimacy. It has been my belief for a long time that when couples hit a rough spot, it is because they are being challenged to reach a new level of intimacy in their relationship. Life is provoking you to dig deeper, be more vulnerable, share more of who you are, and this scares people. We ask ourselves, Will I really be loved for all of me? for my insecurities? my failures? my faults? For the parts of me I don’t accept or like about myself?
In the video below, Esther Perel (love this woman’s work) talks about Why Happy Couples Cheat, and it is brilliant.
I’m going to be sharing more about creating intimacy in relationships, overcoming affairs and cheating in other posts.
Stay tuned and as always if you are going through a relationship challenge then please drop me an email, let’s connect and see where I can serve you.