What's LEAP FROG dating?
Does it help you get more clarity on what you want
or make you more confused than ever?
We all have a friend or know a friend's friend who is a leap frog dater, someone who jumps from relationship to relationship, often in search of love or “finding the one”!
Leap frog dating is different from rebound dating where someone dates quickly when a long term relationship ends, often falling head over heels in love with the first person they meet in an attempt to avoid the break-up pain. In a rebound relationship, there's a tendency to want to replace the love and intimacy from the previous relationship and to not have to deal with the emotional pain of the break-up.
The signs of a leap frog dater are different, in that the leap-frogger is constantly moving from relationship to relationship with the relationships only lasting for two to four months. The leap frogger always removes themselves at the point where they start to see qualities in the other person they dislike and/or the relationship becomes challenging. The leap frogger takes very little time in between relationships, sometimes joining dating websites or apps within days or hours of the previous relationship breaking up.
That moment in Jerry Maguire... when he says "You complete me"
The leap frogger is unconsciously searching “to complete” themselves
They're seeking out the “perfect” partner who has the qualities they don’t think they have within themselves, ie. Looking for someone to take care of you financially when you don’t believe you can support yourself or seeking someone who's outgoing and social when you’re uncomfortable about socialising and making friends.
Often what happens, is they believe they've met the “perfect” man or woman, they see them as special and someone who could be the “One”. Of course, this is lopsided as at the beginning of a relationship we tend to have a one-sided view of the person. We only see the good points or we tend to be “blinded” about someone’s personality as we're fixated on falling in love or being part of a couple. In our lopsided view of the person, we fall in love and everything's great, in our minds eye we see them as perfect long-term partners.
As the leap frogger reaches the third or fourth month, the illusion starts to drop and they begin to see all aspects of their new partner. Previously endearing qualities become annoying and irritation sets in as they see their partner’s previous adoration or attentiveness as being needy and their desire to please as overbearing and claustrophobic.
The perfect partner is now not so perfect as the leap-frogger starts to focus on the disliked qualities, which expand and magnify and become issues of huge discontent.
Suddenly this person is not quite
what we’re looking for.
So the leap frogger at this point has a tendency to bail.
Instead of seeing and accepting the whole person, they start to zone in on the negative aspects and get caught in oscillating between the parts they love about them and the parts they dislike, they're caught up in the polarities of someone’s personality rather than focusing on the “whole” aspect of their being. The relationship is mirroring back to the leap frogger the aspects of themselves they need to embrace and own. When the leap frogger does this wholly and completely they'll no longer find these traits unacceptable in others, they may even begin to see the benefits of these traits.
So the true benefit of leap frogging is
when it's done consciously,
as a way of healing your incompleteness.
If you seek to understand and embrace the traits you dislike and find unacceptable in others. By seeing each relationship experience in its totality, choosing to learn from the relationship and not just “leap” at the first sign of discomfort, you can grow.
When you notice something you don’t like about the person you’re dating, instead of moaning and complaining about it, ask yourself;
“When do I display this trait?”
“How does it show up in my life?”
In asking these questions, you begin to own the displaced parts of yourself and the relationship becomes a place to heal. If you stick with it and are open to being vulnerable and honest with yourself you begin to feel more complete. In doing so, over time, you'll stop seeking to complete yourself externally, but feel whole from within. PLUS you won't have to keep leap-frogging!!