There wasn't much handholding in our decorating days!
Loving others isn't always easy, we so often get caught up in conflicting emotions, from being madly in love to feeling cross that our needs haven't been met.
In the past, I was constantly saying "What about me? Why doesn't anyone care?" that was years ago, when I was stuck in victim thinking, feeling like my partner was against me and that no one noticed my struggles.
The thing is, we learn how to love and care for ourselves from our parents, and whilst my parents showered us with lots of love, my mum did everything for everyone!! She hardly ever said no or put her needs first. Of course she learned that from her mother and I learned to do the same.
In my first marriage, I would overcompensate because I felt unworthy, it was exhausting!
One time, we were decorating our home. I was working full-time, training as a psychotherapist with an additional 10 hours of client work each week. I wanted to be the best wife, friend, sister, daughter, you name it... at the time, my then hubby wasn't working.
On one particular evening, I came home, tired and he asked me to help him sand down the wooden skirting boards - I mean seriously!!! Inside I was "You've got to be kidding me!!!" BUT I didn't have the courage to say no!
I remember sitting on the floor, peeling off the layers of paint, suppressing my anger and fighting back the tears deep inside. I wanted him to notice my suffering, to say... "Sweetheart, you look tired, go have a bath!" - of course he didn't and I was resentful. That doesn't make for a happy marriage or a healthy sex life.
Thank heavens I've learned to speak up, express my needs, and ask for help.
So what did you learn about loving and taking care of yourself as you were growing up?
Do you people please? Saying yes, when you want to say no and then resent others?
Do you over-commit because you feel you're not enough?
Are you unapproachable, a little prickly? perhaps so people stay away and you don't have to face rejection?
May be you're self-blaming and overly responsible, believing everything's your fault?
In childhood, we have needs that go unmet, not because our parents are bad, but because our minds are undeveloped and we don't have the skills or capacities to express ourselves clearly. Our ego then gives meaning to EVERYTHING, and we internalise our feelings often in a disempowering way. In my program Rise Up, Be Free, Be You I show you how to break free from negative and false programming so you can discover your most radiant self, and rise up in love and be free to be YOU! New program starts 5th NOVEMBER
I'd love for you to join me. If you want to chat with me about this program, then drop me an email or schedule a free discovery call.