5 Tips To Remaining Calm During Those Difficult Moments

5 Tips To Remaining Calm During Those Difficult Moments

I haven’t met anyone in the past eighteen months who has not experienced moments of panic, anxiety, terror or stress.

With the worldwide pandemic, disrupted work and life patterns, add a divorce on top, it’s been challenging to remain calm.

When clients come through my doors or into my zoom room, these are five areas that I work on with them so they can make empowered decisions from a place of inner calm and centeredness.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

The simple process of acknowledging our feelings without judgement helps us to let go of them.

Often we judge our feelings as good/bad, wrong/right, okay/not okay, and these judgements can prevent us from allowing ourselves to feel, resulting in suppression, repression and avoidance. All of which prevent us from moving to more helpful and empowered feelings.

I like to reframe feelings as energy moving through the body. The key is to acknowledge and allow, do this by focusing on the energy, any sensations in your body, and permit yourself to feel everything.

2. Get Into Your Body

It’s so easy to get caught up in our thoughts. However, you can reclaim your power and inner calm when you get into your body and become present to your feelings, any sensations, and allow the feelings to move through you.

One of the easiest ways to orientate yourself in your body is to do Belly Breathing.

Do this by placing one hand on your chest and one on your belly.

Inhale through your nose for the count of four and let your belly expand.

Pause, and then exhale through your mouth for the count of four.

Continue this cycle until you feel centred, calm and present in your body.

Take a deep breathe in, inhale peace, exhale happiness

A. D. Posey

3. Choose to Respond vs Reacting

When we are in emotional reaction, our perception becomes clouded by past experiences, negative assumptions and beliefs. Often this is unconscious, and that is why we can feel so triggered.

I guarantee that if you are in a HIGH EMOTIONAL REACTIVE STATE, your experience influences your current reality.

It is essential to pause before you respond. This way, you can check-in (do the belly breathing) and reply from an empowered state rather than the triggered state.

4. Stop Taking Things Personally

Someone’s behaviour says more about them than you. It is often difficult to get our heads around this because the Ego says, “If they loved me/respected me/appreciated me, they wouldn’t treat me this way”.

When we take things personally, we get caught up in ‘self-victimisation’, which disempowers and devalues our worthiness to be loved.

Take a moment to look at the behaviour and actions of that person. What are they telling you about them? Who they are? and what is going on in their inner world?

Do this to understand the bigger picture, so you can disentangle yourself from feeling that their actions are a reflection of your value or worth. Remember, you’re not condoning bad behaviour. You are stepping back to ascertain what boundaries you need to set and release yourself from disempowering stories.

5. Silence Your Inner Critic

Most of us have an inner critic. This voice is louder than your usual voice and your intuition (which is usually more of a whisper).

The inner critic is the judgemental part of us that we have internalised from authority figures, parents, caregivers and society. It’s the rules, the perfectionism, the often unobtainable standards that keep us feeling small and stop us from believing in ourselves.

Learn to recognise this voice. Observe it. Even give it a name, and let it know that you are on to it.

On a more advanced level with coaching clients, we would work to integrate the inner critic, learn to love all parts of ourselves and use the inner critic to facilitate growth.

Sending you much love as always

Transformational Relationship & Divorce Coach. Founder of The Divorce Detox & Get Divorce Fit. Mum of two gorgeous souls, lover of art, writing, yoga & life