This is the first in a "What to Do Series" in readiness for my
Get DIVORCE Fit program, which is launching in October.
Divorce or break ups are bad enough without the cruel twist of the betrayal dagger in an already traumatised heart.
To break up is one thing, to be told “I’m leaving you because I’m in love with someone else” or to discover your partner cheated after you’ve separated seems to take the suffering to a whole new level.
I’ve been that woman who was betrayed, I found out about my ex-husband’s affair and confronted him one night whilst the kids were in bed asleep, to be told “It’s not what you think, it’s something else”… my ex husband had the gall to tell me he had been “doing drugs”! As an ex-drug addict that could have been believable, but I knew it was a lie. As we were arguing a text came through on his phone . It read …”Babe, the bed’s too big without you…”
I later discovered my husband had cheated on me with a number of people in our marriage and after we split up, he introduced one of the women into my new circle of friends and she kept showing up in my life. I couldn’t help but feel betrayed all over again. It was horrendous, talk about having salt rubbed into your wound.
As a relationship coach, I knew I had to peel back the layers and look within. It was my belief that if something was showing up in my life then on some level I had created it. I don’t mean I wanted my husband to cheat or betray me, I'm saying, if betrayal was showing up in my life then I knew it was a reflection of a vibrational match within me.
One night I woke at about 3 in the morning, with the realisation that I had been betraying myself all my life and this was happening to wake me up. A movie of my life started to play in my mind of all the times I had been betrayed or I had betrayed others or myself.Every time I said "yes" when I meant "no", every time I dropped what I needed in favour of someone else’s needs, especially his needs, every time I put up with bad behaviour, every time I didn't follow through on my own words
Life will show us where we are vibrationally. We draw to us experiences that reflect our inner world, so we can do the work of healing our wounds and our disconnection to the truth of who we are.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU DISCOVER YOUR EX HAS CHEATED ON YOU?
So the best piece of advice I can offer anyone who was in a relationship with a cheater, is to reflect the mirror back at yourself, and ask:
"Where do you betray yourself?”
“What do you lie to yourself about?”
“What are you cheating yourself of?"
“Who have you betrayed?”
“What do you need to take ownership of”
Do this with COMPASSIONATE KINDNESS TO YOURSELF. Don't beat yourself up over it, use it as an opportunity to reflect and discover what you need to learn about yourself, so you can clear it within you and not repeat the patterns of the past.
We are not victims of our circumstances, we are powerful creative souls and we’re here to rise up in our personal power of love.
If you have any questions about this post, please comment below and I will happily answer them.