Maxine, Author at maxineclancy.com - Page 3 of 3

All Posts by Maxine

Didn’t you know it’s trendy to Practice the “F” Word

Okay, I know what word you were thinking of??? But it’s not that one… (I can see you rolling your eyes!!!)

This word is actually harder to practice than the one you’re thinking of, which right now, probably rolls effortlessly of your tongue in relation to your ex!!!  That’s right, the word I’m talking about is forgiveness

What would happen if you forgave your Ex? If you decided to suspend all punishing thoughts and stopped judging them for your marriage breakup?

Can you begin to contemplate this or are you finding yourself saying, “No way! Why should I let them off the hook?  Why should they not suffer? They don’t deserve my compassion, empathy, let alone my forgiveness!”

I know, I get it, I’ve thought that too.  When my Ex and I broke up, I wanted to punish him, I wanted him to suffer and feel my pain, I believed if he felt bad then he would “do the right thing”! Whatever that was! .

You see, the thing with divorce is we want to blame someone, we want to make someone wrong and assign guilt, we think if we forgive someone then it minimises our pain, that they won’t understand how much they have hurt us. Traditionally, we’re raised to believe in right and wrong and when you’re wrong, you need to be punished.

On an unconscious level, we believe in some small way that if  we punish the other person, through our joint suffering we will create understanding and connection and this connection, may be what brings us back together.

The problem with this thinking is, it exacerbates our own suffering and it keeps us in a place where we continue to judge and punish ourselves.

If you are judging another, you are judging yourself.

If you are withholding forgiveness to another, you are withholding forgiveness to yourself.

Perhaps a better question would be,  “What in yourself do you need to forgive?”

With my divorce, I felt guilty my children were going to grow up without their father and a complete family. Because my husband had an affair, I felt I wasn’t “enough”. I must have “put on too much weight, or been nagging” etc. I blamed myself.  This was different to me taking responsibility for the situation I was in.  It was about me punishing myself for not being able to keep the marriage together, therefore, I was punishing him.

In my coaching, I work with the premise, “Structure has integrity”  if you think about your house, it’s stable due to the foundations of the building, the structure, without it, your house would fall down.  Forgiveness is a higher structure, it is a vibration of love for yourself and another and it starts with the intention to suspend all judgement and punishment and to honour all aspects of who we are. When we own the completeness of our being we acknowledge we are good/bad, kind/harsh, loving/unloving, judging/accepting.  We are perfectly complete in our wholeness.

Choosing to forgive another, starts with forgiving yourself.  What do you need to forgive yourself for in your divorce?

If you would like help with this exercise then please email me at admin@maxineclancy.com or complete our contact me form. I would love to work with you on this process.

With love

Maxine page sign off

Are you sick’n’tired of your divorce situation?

The first turning point of my divorce journey was when I decided to accept the reality of my situation.

Six months after my husband had left to live with his girlfriend, he was looking after the children and I begged him to come home. I must have triggered his guilt, or so I thought as he returned to the family home. Four days later he moved out, and I discovered the only reason he came back was because his girlfriend had thrown him out as he had also cheated on her.

It was ten days before Christmas and it was my lowest point. I was sick and tired of the whole situation!  I was skinny, if I wasn’t so unhappy I would have celebrated how much weight I had lost, but in truth, I was nauseous all the time and couldn’t eat. I was devastated, anxious and had lost the will to live. I couldn’t believe the man who had once loved me so much could be so callous and selfish. In my heart, I knew it was only me who could change the way I was feeling and if I wanted 2011 to be any different, I had to choose to it.

I was devastated, anxious and had lost the will to live. I couldn’t believe the man who had once loved me so much could be so callous and selfish. In my heart, I knew it was only me who could change the way I was feeling and if I wanted 2011 to be any different, I had to choose to it.

I couldn’t change my  Ex’s mind or my situation, I had to change my thinking.

In the midst of my angst, I decided to accept my reality, he was not coming back and I had to move on. I knew I didn’t want to start the New Year depressed and anxious. I wanted to feel different.

So here’s the good bit… You don’t have to wait for a New Year to choose to change your thinking,, you just need to get to the point where you’re sick and tired of your creality and choose to accept it.  It will be a tmajor turning point in your journey.

Here’s what you can do…

I have always kept a journal and I started to write…

I’m sick and tired of you behaving like a child…

I’m sick and tired of supporting you emotionally…

I’m sick and tired of your abrupt attitude…

I’m sick and tired of you being a crap inconsistent father…

I’m sick and tired of your lies…

The list went on, I wrote over 200 “sick ‘n’ tired” statements. I let it all out and I realised I was ready to let go of him.

I then wrote another list…

It was the list of what I would love in my life for me and my children and I worked with my intuition on what I truly wanted, it was a rock solid family. I wrote a vision of what that looked like, what we would do and how I would be with my kids and I chose to focus on that.

Power comes from making a choice to accept what is, and in choosing a true vision for you and your family.

You can listen to my Sick’n’Tired Podcast on soundcloud.

If you would love help with writing your list or you want to post some of your “sick ‘n’Tired” in the comments below then we would love to support you on your journey. PS. You don’t need to share your list with your Ex.

With love

Maxine page sign off

Changing Your Divorce Story: From Fear To Love

The thing with divorce, is it catapults you into massive uncertainty and fear.  Everything you knew to be true is no longer the same, you find yourself questioning everything and feeling as if you know nothing.  The uncertainty about your partner, your life, your home, your kids and your finances is all too much, and your conversation with yourself and others becomes one of fear.

One of the biggest challenges anyone faces (myself included) at the beginning of divorce is how to change the story from fear to love. Fear creates a constant and never ending assault on your thoughts and feelings. You find yourself going around in the “crazy 8 loop”, a place of no beginning and no ending. It starts with a thought, “Where will I live?” which leads to “How will I support myself?” to “Why did he leave?” and then it’s “what did I do wrong?” to “I should have been more patient”. The thoughts become one long chain reaction and you’re yourself locked in self-doubt, self-criticism and feelings of unworthiness.

Does it have to be this way?  What if we replaced fear with love? It’s hard to believe you can especially when you are in the process of divorce.

When coaching clients I help them to understand how FOCUS exacerbates pain and fear.  Whatever you focus on expands, if you focus on fear, life get scarier, if you focus on loss, you feel sadness.  If you focus on the lack of love, you experience the lack of love. If you believe you experience love as a result of your “significant other” and they are no longer there, then love becomes unavailable to you.

It’s not true though, people can be a catalyst for love, however, the love you feel comes from within, it’s your natural state of being and it’s who you really are. You are an infinite source of divine love and all healing comes from love. In order to heal your divorce, you have to connect to the love within you.

Imagine if you were to focus on the love in your heart on a daily basis and you began to feel happier, lighter and more able to deal with your divorce, wouldn’t that be better than pain and suffering? I am not talking about denying your feelings of sadness, however, I am suggesting you choose to alleviate your fear by connecting to love, the love within you.

One of the easiest ways to shift from fear to love is to begin to find small things to be grateful for, to appreciate yourself, to be kind to yourself, and choosing to feel love for yourself no matter what. You can listen to a powerful “Connected Heart” meditation below.  When you shift your focus to love, and connect to your real power, you activate your own healing.

With love

Maxine page sign off

 

 

“I’D RATHER DIE THAN BE DIVORCED”

Can Divorce Give You A Heart Attack?

My new client shouted out the words, “I’d rather die than be divorced!”

The woman in her early 50s was beautifully dressed, attractive and carried an air of confidence that comes with someone of her years. I studied her face as she continued, “I just can’t bear the pain, my heart is breaking”.

Her words were so apt: the physical pain of heartbreak is very real. In a post on the American Heart Association’s website, Is Broken Heart Syndrome Real”, the author states:

“Broken heart syndrome, also called stress-induced cardiomyopathy or takotsubo cardiomyopathy, can strike even if you’re healthy…Women are more likely than men to experience the sudden, intense chest pain — the reaction to a surge of stress hormones — that can be caused by an emotionally stressful event. It could be the death of a loved one or even a divorce, breakup or physical separation, betrayal or romantic rejection.”

If the shock of a break-up can induce broken heart syndrome, where a part of the heart temporarily enlarges and pumps differently than usual, it is reasonable to suggest that when a person says their “heart is broken” it is a true and real experience for them.

In my years of working with people, I have come to understand heartbreak to be a “Crisis of the Heart” where spiritually the heart “cracks open” in order to allow us to love even more deeply. During heartbreak, we are challenged to fully open our hearts in order to allow us to experience a deeper layer of intimacy with ourselves and others.  It is the crisis itself which opens us up to a re-connection with ourselves, our self-expression and the truth of our soul.

More often than not, as the layers peel away, a crisis of the heart will reveal a necessary reflection of the deep disconnection many of us have within ourselves. It can be difficult to see and to be honest about this disconnection; yet when we do, the gifts received are immeasurable.

So the real challenge is “Do you choose to sit down and die? Or do you choose to embrace the pain, be vulnerable and look deeper into the depth of your soul?”

In other words: do you connect to your real truth? 

This was the question my client had to face…

If we fight the “crisis of the heart” by closing down our hearts we prolong our suffering, we create emotional, physical and mental blockages which impact our healing and our health. The challenge with closing our heart is that we disconnect even more from our flow of love and our spiritual energy.  Every crisis of the heart is an invitation to crack ourselves open and connect at a deeper level to the love within ourselves and to share this love with others.  Heartbreak and suffering are often seen as an opportunity to validate, justify and vindicate ourselves, to apportion blame and shame others in regards to their behaviours.

What, though, if this crisis of the heart was seen as an opportunity to take responsibility for ourselves and our well-being, and instead of buying into our fears, we embraced our crisis and connected to our hearts and opened ourselves up to the infinite source of love within us. The sooner we do this, the less we suffer and the crisis will pass.

With love

Maxine page sign off

The Conscious Break-Up

Conscious Break-Up Coaching supports both men and women at any stage of their divorce or break-up journey. It is a powerful way to create emotional stability, break old relationship patterns and to healing your heart during this time of deep transition.

 Five Steps to a Conscious Break-Up/ Divorce

Step 1 – Change Your Break-Up Story

Understanding your thoughts and feelings and the emotional impact of your divorce or break-up helps you to gain clarity and a sense of emotional balance and freedom at a time of complete overwhelm. The very nature of a break-up creates conflict, uncertainty, stress and feelings of being out of control of one’s life and future. The Conscious Break-Up provides you with techniques and strategies to “unpack” the negative emotions which keep you stuck in the pain of your break-up.

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Step 2 – Acceptance and Responsibility

Finding a place of acceptance of “what is” and choosing to take responsibility for your emotional well-being and your future, puts you back in your power centre.  When you take 100% responsibility for yourself, you stop being the victim of your circumstances and it enables you to access your personal power and your ability to move forward. Together we will “unlock” the hidden aspects of your break-up and your relationship patterns with your partners and previous relationships.  This is essential to your healing and to creating future loving relationships.

 

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Step 3 – Letting Go and Forgiveness

Choosing to forgive the other person is a very selfish thing to do and it’s good for you!!  This step is about healing your pain and claiming your freedom.  All relationships provide an opportunity for optimal learning, by choosing to let go and forgive yourself and your partner you discover the deeper meaning behind your break up and the true spiritual aspect of your divorce.  This is an essential part of setting healthy boundaries and negotiating through the roller coaster of emotions in your divorce proceedings.

 

Step 4 – Loving Yourself

The greatest love of all is the source of divine love that resides in each and every one of us. When we learn to fill ourselves up with love internally, we let go of the need to seek love and approval from others. In divorce, it is natural to shut down our heart to protect ourselves from pain, this is the antithesis to what is required to heal. I teach you powerful tools and resources to re-connect to your natural wellbeing and source of love. Warning; you will be seriously in love with yourself with these tools.

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Step 5 – Finding Your Silver Lining

Who are you now? Every cloud has a silver lining, and when you are able to see the blessing and gift in your divorce, you are truly healed. By embracing the gifts of your experience, we will refocus and move forward with a vision for your new life. Here I share with you the tools for creating anything from a job, home, relationship and more.

Can I do this if I am separated or still married?

People come to this program at various stages of their relationship, some people are separated, in the process of divorce or have been divorced for some years.  If you are still married and considering divorce, then The Conscious Break-Up process is ideal for making that decision. Maxine’s packages are tailor made to exactly where you are in your divorce journey. All the tools you learn will help you shift the pain and fear of where you are now and enable you to make powerful choices that are true to your heart.

Can we do this as a couple?

Maxine works with couples, please use the contact form to arrange a confidential consultation.

How does the coaching work?

Maxine’s coaching is tailored to suit you and your needs, whether this is a one off session to gain clarity and balance, or on-going coaching. Maxine is available for face to face coaching, coaching over Skype and telephone.  Maxine also provides specialised individual, group retreats and workshops.

the HEART class

“It’s all about the heart”

A fusion of self-discovery, fun and playing with art.

 

Picture improving your relationships with friends, lovers, existing partners, work colleagues, the list is endless. If you want to have better relationships, then this class is for you…

It’s a fun class where we use art and meditation to explore how our thoughts and feelings get in the way of having what we want. Whether it’s a great relationship, fabulous jobs or the body we have always dreamed of.

The way we think and the feelings we have, constantly get in the way of what we want to create or experience in our daily lives.  We are “meaning making machines” and are always making things up, more often than not, in a way that disempowers us, leaving us feeling “not good enough or unloved”. How many times have you had an argument with your spouse or friend and simply not understood why it happened or it’s left you feeling “bad” about yourself?

In this class, we play with art and meditation. We use a simple and easy process to help us to resolve the challenges and conflicts we experience in our lives, whether it’s at work with our colleagues, our partners, children or friends.  This class shows you how to effortlessly tap into your imagination and unlock your creativity. I promise you don’t need to know how to draw to experience the huge learning in this class.

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What’s it all about?

This is a two and a half hour class, where you discover:-

  • How to let go of stress and feel relaxed
  • Create more time for what you love
  • Improve your relationships
  • Learn to listen to your intuition

 

Who’s it for?

Anyone who wants to learn to have better relationships. Families and friends, busy stressed out working or stay at home mums. Career women.  Over a glass of wine, a cup of tea or coffee, it’s a time of fun, laughter and bonding. Arrange an evening at your own home as an alternative to book club, a hen party, birthday celebration, or a simple get together with like minded friends.

Arrange an evening at your home as an alternative to book club, a hen party, birthday celebration, or a get together with  friends.

To host an evening at your home, please contact Maxine.  Alternatively, check here for our next event.

Previous art experience not needed. Art supplies will be provided by the facilitator.