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Category Archives for "Conscious Break-Up"

Kiss The Single Life Goodbye

 

New Year’s Eve 2017…. who will you be kissing?

Yes, I know, I’ve been there, it’s midnight and you have no one to kiss… all the couples in the room are finding each other, hugging, smooching and more than ever you feel alone and single…. well enough is enough…it’s time to shake it all up and move on… “the past does not equal the future, unless you live there”...Tony Robbins said that.

Did you say to yourself on January 1st, “That’s it, I am going to find love this year?” if you did, then I’m here to help…

In fact, my number one intention for 2017 is to help 10,000 people have a transformation in love.

What do I mean by that?  I want the people I work with to have a deep awakening to the love within themselves and in their ability to create sustainable loving relationships with others.  My message is simple, it’s all about happy healthy love, if you don’t have that for yourself, it will be impossible to have with another.

So what is happy healthy love and how do you create it?  For me, happy healthy love is about living as your highest, truest expression of love in the world. It’s an expansive way of being. Where you are not only loving your mate or your family. It’s about being present to the deep source of love that’s within you and allowing that love to be expressed outwardly in what you do, how you spend your time and how you show up in the world, it’s a way of relating to yourself and others.  When happy healthy love is your north star it allows you to navigate your relationships from a higher perspective. It opens you up to a whole new way of being. One that’s deeply rewarding and fulfilling.

Unfortunately, many people fall into negative and dysfunctional relationship patterns that keep them feeling disempowered, sad and disillusioned that love will ever be different.  With happy healthy love, you are first and foremost developing a relationship with yourself based on an understanding of your feelings and needs, your ability to self-soothe, to respect and honour yourself. Having healthy boundaries, telling the truth and taking responsibility for your actions and behaviours. When you do this for yourself and live your life from this place, guess what?  You begin to attract people, events and situations in alignment with your truth.

Happy healthy love is about being in a conscious loving relationship with yourself and your partner.

Love is such a powerful force however it’s so easy when we finally do fall in love for our patterns to get triggered and for the relationship to bring up our insecurities,  past wounds, fears and hurts. When you are firmly anchored in a healthy loving relationship with yourself, it gives you a strong foundation to work from in your relationships with others.

So if it’s your intention to kiss goodbye to being single in 2017, then contact me now to find out about Calling In The One Coaching and how to create happy healthy love…

Here’s to your transformation in love in 2017!

With love

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ARE WE OPEN ENOUGH TO LISTEN TO WHAT MEN ARE CRAVING

So when I was scrolling through facebook one evening this week, alone in my bed…single girl and all that!!! I came across a post from one of my girlfriends by the lovely John Wineland (Confession: I’m his new number one fan) about what men are craving… The video was in response to the many articles written by women on the consciousness website Elephant Journal, asking for men to be present in our relationships, for men to be fearless and bold in their love for us and for men to listen to what we want from them.

Let’s face it, if you’re a conscious woman, you want a conscious man.

Conscious women around the planet have been calling out to men for some time now and I know I speak for many of us when I say, I am delighted John and the men he represents have heard us and responded to our call. John’s response truly warmed my heart and opened me up to a new understanding and appreciation of men. The challenges they face and how they too, are desiring to be understood and to delve into new depths of relationship and relating.  To relating in ways that honour their women and themselves.

Men and women want to experience acceptance, deep love, intimacy and hot sex (all day, every day) !!!  I hear you, John, that men love “range”. We love range too, we love that we are sexy, playful, sensual and captivating.  We love how our feminine presence and movement can “de-purpose” you and open you up to a whole new day.  We love and appreciate you for allowing us to be feminine.

We hear you… we want to surrender to our men.  To be vulnerable, to trust you and to let you lead us. We too recognise our challenge with this.

We know the challenge and struggle we have with this is because we’ve been hurt, let down & betrayed. We also know as conscious women that we’ve created relationships to heal the “unconscious wound” of childhood and that at some deep level, we’re both here, men and women to heal each other. We also know it takes a huge amount of courage to let the past go and to begin again AND that is why I love this conversation. I love this

I love this video, because men and women are powerful, we’re both powerful creators. It’s men and women that hold the essence of pro-creation, the miracle of life and birth… AND I love how you ask the question…

“What do you want to create with us?” and you finish it with the statement..

“Because we want to create with you?

Let’s start a new conversation, a conversation with each other based on acceptance, love and deep appreciation.

To my readers, I really hope you enjoyed John’s video,  I am going to be sharing a series of video posts and tips on creating conscious relationships in the coming weeks.

With much love

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Cheating: it’s not about the sex

If your partner has cheated on you then, at some point you’re going to end up tormenting yourself about them having sex with the other person. You can’t help it, it totally unhinges you as you suddenly doubt yourself and your relationship, the questions swirl around and around in your head…

Were they better than me? was it more exciting? more passionate? are they sexier? did they turn you on? did you do things with them that we didn’t do? … the list is endless.

The thing is, in most cases the cheating is not about sex, sure, some people could be in a sexless relationship, or what was once a passionate relationship and is going through a dry spell. The sex in an affair is an added bonus and can seem to be the driving force, however in most instances, the sexual attraction and chemistry start because something gets triggered in the person who cheats. In most cases, the cheater is woken up to their spirit and they feel alive again, turned on to life when for whatever reason they were previously feeling dead inside. Disconnected from themselves, their truth, their spirit and their source of love.

Deep fulfilling long-term relationships are founded on love and intimacy. It has been my belief for a long time that when couples hit a rough spot, it is because they are being challenged to reach a new level of intimacy in their relationship.  Life is provoking you to dig deeper, be more vulnerable, share more of who you are, and this scares people. We ask ourselves, Will I really be loved for all of me? for my insecurities? my failures? my faults?  For the parts of me I don’t accept or like about myself?

In the video below, Esther Perel (love this woman’s work) talks about Why Happy Couples Cheat, and it is brilliant.

I’m going to be sharing more about creating intimacy in relationships, overcoming affairs and cheating in other posts.

Stay tuned and as always if you are going through a relationship challenge then please drop me an email, let’s connect and see where I can serve you.

With love

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Didn’t you know it’s trendy to Practice the “F” Word

Okay, I know what word you were thinking of??? But it’s not that one… (I can see you rolling your eyes!!!)

This word is actually harder to practice than the one you’re thinking of, which right now, probably rolls effortlessly of your tongue in relation to your ex!!!  That’s right, the word I’m talking about is forgiveness

What would happen if you forgave your Ex? If you decided to suspend all punishing thoughts and stopped judging them for your marriage breakup?

Can you begin to contemplate this or are you finding yourself saying, “No way! Why should I let them off the hook?  Why should they not suffer? They don’t deserve my compassion, empathy, let alone my forgiveness!”

I know, I get it, I’ve thought that too.  When my Ex and I broke up, I wanted to punish him, I wanted him to suffer and feel my pain, I believed if he felt bad then he would “do the right thing”! Whatever that was! .

You see, the thing with divorce is we want to blame someone, we want to make someone wrong and assign guilt, we think if we forgive someone then it minimises our pain, that they won’t understand how much they have hurt us. Traditionally, we’re raised to believe in right and wrong and when you’re wrong, you need to be punished.

On an unconscious level, we believe in some small way that if  we punish the other person, through our joint suffering we will create understanding and connection and this connection, may be what brings us back together.

The problem with this thinking is, it exacerbates our own suffering and it keeps us in a place where we continue to judge and punish ourselves.

If you are judging another, you are judging yourself.

If you are withholding forgiveness to another, you are withholding forgiveness to yourself.

Perhaps a better question would be,  “What in yourself do you need to forgive?”

With my divorce, I felt guilty my children were going to grow up without their father and a complete family. Because my husband had an affair, I felt I wasn’t “enough”. I must have “put on too much weight, or been nagging” etc. I blamed myself.  This was different to me taking responsibility for the situation I was in.  It was about me punishing myself for not being able to keep the marriage together, therefore, I was punishing him.

In my coaching, I work with the premise, “Structure has integrity”  if you think about your house, it’s stable due to the foundations of the building, the structure, without it, your house would fall down.  Forgiveness is a higher structure, it is a vibration of love for yourself and another and it starts with the intention to suspend all judgement and punishment and to honour all aspects of who we are. When we own the completeness of our being we acknowledge we are good/bad, kind/harsh, loving/unloving, judging/accepting.  We are perfectly complete in our wholeness.

Choosing to forgive another, starts with forgiving yourself.  What do you need to forgive yourself for in your divorce?

If you would like help with this exercise then please email me at admin@maxineclancy.com or complete our contact me form. I would love to work with you on this process.

With love

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Are you sick’n’tired of your divorce situation?

The first turning point of my divorce journey was when I decided to accept the reality of my situation.

Six months after my husband had left to live with his girlfriend, he was looking after the children and I begged him to come home. I must have triggered his guilt, or so I thought as he returned to the family home. Four days later he moved out, and I discovered the only reason he came back was because his girlfriend had thrown him out as he had also cheated on her.

It was ten days before Christmas and it was my lowest point. I was sick and tired of the whole situation!  I was skinny, if I wasn’t so unhappy I would have celebrated how much weight I had lost, but in truth, I was nauseous all the time and couldn’t eat. I was devastated, anxious and had lost the will to live. I couldn’t believe the man who had once loved me so much could be so callous and selfish. In my heart, I knew it was only me who could change the way I was feeling and if I wanted 2011 to be any different, I had to choose to it.

I was devastated, anxious and had lost the will to live. I couldn’t believe the man who had once loved me so much could be so callous and selfish. In my heart, I knew it was only me who could change the way I was feeling and if I wanted 2011 to be any different, I had to choose to it.

I couldn’t change my  Ex’s mind or my situation, I had to change my thinking.

In the midst of my angst, I decided to accept my reality, he was not coming back and I had to move on. I knew I didn’t want to start the New Year depressed and anxious. I wanted to feel different.

So here’s the good bit… You don’t have to wait for a New Year to choose to change your thinking,, you just need to get to the point where you’re sick and tired of your creality and choose to accept it.  It will be a tmajor turning point in your journey.

Here’s what you can do…

I have always kept a journal and I started to write…

I’m sick and tired of you behaving like a child…

I’m sick and tired of supporting you emotionally…

I’m sick and tired of your abrupt attitude…

I’m sick and tired of you being a crap inconsistent father…

I’m sick and tired of your lies…

The list went on, I wrote over 200 “sick ‘n’ tired” statements. I let it all out and I realised I was ready to let go of him.

I then wrote another list…

It was the list of what I would love in my life for me and my children and I worked with my intuition on what I truly wanted, it was a rock solid family. I wrote a vision of what that looked like, what we would do and how I would be with my kids and I chose to focus on that.

Power comes from making a choice to accept what is, and in choosing a true vision for you and your family.

You can listen to my Sick’n’Tired Podcast on soundcloud.

If you would love help with writing your list or you want to post some of your “sick ‘n’Tired” in the comments below then we would love to support you on your journey. PS. You don’t need to share your list with your Ex.

With love

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Changing Your Divorce Story: From Fear To Love

The thing with divorce, is it catapults you into massive uncertainty and fear.  Everything you knew to be true is no longer the same, you find yourself questioning everything and feeling as if you know nothing.  The uncertainty about your partner, your life, your home, your kids and your finances is all too much, and your conversation with yourself and others becomes one of fear.

One of the biggest challenges anyone faces (myself included) at the beginning of divorce is how to change the story from fear to love. Fear creates a constant and never ending assault on your thoughts and feelings. You find yourself going around in the “crazy 8 loop”, a place of no beginning and no ending. It starts with a thought, “Where will I live?” which leads to “How will I support myself?” to “Why did he leave?” and then it’s “what did I do wrong?” to “I should have been more patient”. The thoughts become one long chain reaction and you’re yourself locked in self-doubt, self-criticism and feelings of unworthiness.

Does it have to be this way?  What if we replaced fear with love? It’s hard to believe you can especially when you are in the process of divorce.

When coaching clients I help them to understand how FOCUS exacerbates pain and fear.  Whatever you focus on expands, if you focus on fear, life get scarier, if you focus on loss, you feel sadness.  If you focus on the lack of love, you experience the lack of love. If you believe you experience love as a result of your “significant other” and they are no longer there, then love becomes unavailable to you.

It’s not true though, people can be a catalyst for love, however, the love you feel comes from within, it’s your natural state of being and it’s who you really are. You are an infinite source of divine love and all healing comes from love. In order to heal your divorce, you have to connect to the love within you.

Imagine if you were to focus on the love in your heart on a daily basis and you began to feel happier, lighter and more able to deal with your divorce, wouldn’t that be better than pain and suffering? I am not talking about denying your feelings of sadness, however, I am suggesting you choose to alleviate your fear by connecting to love, the love within you.

One of the easiest ways to shift from fear to love is to begin to find small things to be grateful for, to appreciate yourself, to be kind to yourself, and choosing to feel love for yourself no matter what. You can listen to a powerful “Connected Heart” meditation below.  When you shift your focus to love, and connect to your real power, you activate your own healing.

With love

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“I’D RATHER DIE THAN BE DIVORCED”

Can Divorce Give You A Heart Attack?

My new client shouted out the words, “I’d rather die than be divorced!”

The woman in her early 50s was beautifully dressed, attractive and carried an air of confidence that comes with someone of her years. I studied her face as she continued, “I just can’t bear the pain, my heart is breaking”.

Her words were so apt: the physical pain of heartbreak is very real. In a post on the American Heart Association’s website, Is Broken Heart Syndrome Real”, the author states:

“Broken heart syndrome, also called stress-induced cardiomyopathy or takotsubo cardiomyopathy, can strike even if you’re healthy…Women are more likely than men to experience the sudden, intense chest pain — the reaction to a surge of stress hormones — that can be caused by an emotionally stressful event. It could be the death of a loved one or even a divorce, breakup or physical separation, betrayal or romantic rejection.”

If the shock of a break-up can induce broken heart syndrome, where a part of the heart temporarily enlarges and pumps differently than usual, it is reasonable to suggest that when a person says their “heart is broken” it is a true and real experience for them.

In my years of working with people, I have come to understand heartbreak to be a “Crisis of the Heart” where spiritually the heart “cracks open” in order to allow us to love even more deeply. During heartbreak, we are challenged to fully open our hearts in order to allow us to experience a deeper layer of intimacy with ourselves and others.  It is the crisis itself which opens us up to a re-connection with ourselves, our self-expression and the truth of our soul.

More often than not, as the layers peel away, a crisis of the heart will reveal a necessary reflection of the deep disconnection many of us have within ourselves. It can be difficult to see and to be honest about this disconnection; yet when we do, the gifts received are immeasurable.

So the real challenge is “Do you choose to sit down and die? Or do you choose to embrace the pain, be vulnerable and look deeper into the depth of your soul?”

In other words: do you connect to your real truth? 

This was the question my client had to face…

If we fight the “crisis of the heart” by closing down our hearts we prolong our suffering, we create emotional, physical and mental blockages which impact our healing and our health. The challenge with closing our heart is that we disconnect even more from our flow of love and our spiritual energy.  Every crisis of the heart is an invitation to crack ourselves open and connect at a deeper level to the love within ourselves and to share this love with others.  Heartbreak and suffering are often seen as an opportunity to validate, justify and vindicate ourselves, to apportion blame and shame others in regards to their behaviours.

What, though, if this crisis of the heart was seen as an opportunity to take responsibility for ourselves and our well-being, and instead of buying into our fears, we embraced our crisis and connected to our hearts and opened ourselves up to the infinite source of love within us. The sooner we do this, the less we suffer and the crisis will pass.

With love

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The Conscious Break-Up

Conscious Break-Up Coaching supports both men and women at any stage of their divorce or break-up journey. It is a powerful way to create emotional stability, break old relationship patterns and to healing your heart during this time of deep transition.

 Five Steps to a Conscious Break-Up/ Divorce

Step 1 – Change Your Break-Up Story

Understanding your thoughts and feelings and the emotional impact of your divorce or break-up helps you to gain clarity and a sense of emotional balance and freedom at a time of complete overwhelm. The very nature of a break-up creates conflict, uncertainty, stress and feelings of being out of control of one’s life and future. The Conscious Break-Up provides you with techniques and strategies to “unpack” the negative emotions which keep you stuck in the pain of your break-up.

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Step 2 – Acceptance and Responsibility

Finding a place of acceptance of “what is” and choosing to take responsibility for your emotional well-being and your future, puts you back in your power centre.  When you take 100% responsibility for yourself, you stop being the victim of your circumstances and it enables you to access your personal power and your ability to move forward. Together we will “unlock” the hidden aspects of your break-up and your relationship patterns with your partners and previous relationships.  This is essential to your healing and to creating future loving relationships.

 

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Step 3 – Letting Go and Forgiveness

Choosing to forgive the other person is a very selfish thing to do and it’s good for you!!  This step is about healing your pain and claiming your freedom.  All relationships provide an opportunity for optimal learning, by choosing to let go and forgive yourself and your partner you discover the deeper meaning behind your break up and the true spiritual aspect of your divorce.  This is an essential part of setting healthy boundaries and negotiating through the roller coaster of emotions in your divorce proceedings.

 

Step 4 – Loving Yourself

The greatest love of all is the source of divine love that resides in each and every one of us. When we learn to fill ourselves up with love internally, we let go of the need to seek love and approval from others. In divorce, it is natural to shut down our heart to protect ourselves from pain, this is the antithesis to what is required to heal. I teach you powerful tools and resources to re-connect to your natural wellbeing and source of love. Warning; you will be seriously in love with yourself with these tools.

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Step 5 – Finding Your Silver Lining

Who are you now? Every cloud has a silver lining, and when you are able to see the blessing and gift in your divorce, you are truly healed. By embracing the gifts of your experience, we will refocus and move forward with a vision for your new life. Here I share with you the tools for creating anything from a job, home, relationship and more.

Can I do this if I am separated or still married?

People come to this program at various stages of their relationship, some people are separated, in the process of divorce or have been divorced for some years.  If you are still married and considering divorce, then The Conscious Break-Up process is ideal for making that decision. Maxine’s packages are tailor made to exactly where you are in your divorce journey. All the tools you learn will help you shift the pain and fear of where you are now and enable you to make powerful choices that are true to your heart.

Can we do this as a couple?

Maxine works with couples, please use the contact form to arrange a confidential consultation.

How does the coaching work?

Maxine’s coaching is tailored to suit you and your needs, whether this is a one off session to gain clarity and balance, or on-going coaching. Maxine is available for face to face coaching, coaching over Skype and telephone.  Maxine also provides specialised individual, group retreats and workshops.