5 Secrets You Must Know About Divorce
You have the power to change the way you divorce.
I know, I didn't believe the above quote straight away, but it became more obvious to me as the months passed and especially when I decided it was up to me to decide how I wanted to feel and to create a life that truly served my heart.
So here are 5 important secrets that I want you to remember.
#1 SECRET: EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS HELP YOU TO MOVE ON
When you've been triggered by your previous partner, maybe in a text message, something on social media or a letter from your lawyer, the trigger is showing you what you need to heal within yourself.
The secret is to stop judging the trigger and learn to transform it.
We tend to judge ourselves, so for instance a client of mine saw a picture of her previous partner with another woman on Facebook and automatically started to berate herself. She decided the woman was prettier, slimmer and younger. Prior to seeing the photo, she was having a good day and now see felt bad about herself and was angry at him.
So in our work together, we looked at how to use the trigger and her surface emotion of anger, to get to the deeper feelings about her relationship with her body, how she was angry with herself because she hadn't honoured her needs in her relationship and with herself. So instead of projecting her anger outwards and blaming her previous husband, she could reclaim her power and energy and use it to transform herself.
THIS is TRANSFORMATION from WITHIN
Maxine Clancy
#2 SECRET: YOUR EX'S BEHAVIOUR IS ABOUT THEM
Stop making their behaviour mean something about you.
I know, it's so easily done. They don't want to give you the money you think you should get, they don't want to move out of the family home, and they don't want to look after the kids when you want or need them to. They're already dating someone else. The list goes on.
The secret is to realise their behaviour is a reflection of their inner world, and what they need to do to protect themselves.
So what do I mean by this? Everyone, yes even your Ex, is dealing with their own inner emotions and inner story. Guilt about leaving, guilt about cheating, guilt about failing. Anger about not seeing their children, anger about getting things wrong, anger about not being able to communicate. Resentments that you weren't there for them, that you didn't support them, that you were a BITCH! and so much more
All of these difficult emotions, get mashed up and projected onto others, and for most people, we want to avoid pain and move towards something, anything that helps us to feel better about ourselves. AND we want to blame others, and often that is communicated by the way we behave towards others.
So it's up to you, do you want to think your Ex's behaviour is about you and what you mean to them, or do you want to let it be a clue as to who they are? You get to choose.
#3 SECRET: FEEL ALL THE FEELS
The secret is to STOP avoiding, pushing down or dismissing difficult feelings.
I know this one isn't easy as we weren't taught at school how to deal with our emotions and unless you had super talented emotionally intelligent parents you didn't learn at home either.
When you learn to be with, embrace and integrate difficult emotions, you become more whole (and empowered). So what does that actually mean?
We tend to push down, avoid, dismiss or eat, drink or drug ourselves emotionally. We might drug ourselves with television or actual drugs! We might have learned to disassociate and leave our bodies mentally, and physically (actually learned how to not feel) as a COPING MECHANISM to protect ourselves.
Now, this is a BIG topic, so what I am going to say here, is if you want to know more, then check out my IG account or email me and we can have a chat about how I can support you.
SECRET #4 : YOU DECIDE YOUR WORTH
No one else or no amount of money can determine your value or worth.
So often we give our power away to others by letting their behaviour, reactions or attitude towards us determine our value or worth.
We think that if we don't get the divorce settlement we want or believe we deserve then it means we are not enough. We think that if they find someone else then it means our marriage meant nothing to them. When in fact them finding someone else might be that they can't be on their own, or they're not able to take care of themselves. Other people's behaviour can mean so many things about them, and yet we often falsely make it mean something about us.
Take the steps to learn how to honour your true value and worth by the way you love and relate to yourself.
SECRET #5: TIME IS NOT THE HEALER - YOU ARE
No healing journey is the same. One thing is certain, time doesn't heal, YOU DO.
Time just passes, it's up to you to decide to heal.
When you decide to do the work of healing and creating your juiciest new BEST life, then you take responsibility for what has happened in your life and you move from victim of your circumstances to self-empowerment. All of my coaching programs focus on helping you to feel empowered and to use what has happened in your life for your growth.
Choose more love for yourself, choose to heal.
If you would like to find out about working with me, then please complete my contact form, and we will contact you to arrange a complimentary consultation.
With love
